Why Can't I Be Without You
by therapyx
Summary: Clare loves Eli but he loves Sadie or so he thinks. Clare lost Eli to Sadie when she came to Degrassi and She doesn't know why. So she's going to find out
1. Chapter 1

_**Without him she was nothing.**_

I watched him everyday walk down the hall with her and it killed me to see how happy he is. Just two months ago that was me holding his hand and walking with him down the hall.

When they walk past he glances over at me but then quickly looks away.

Oh how i wish that stupid bitch never transfered here things would still be the same.

"Clare" said a voice from behind me

I jumped and spun arond. It was only Adam.

Adam was the only one besides me who did not like Sadie. " God Adam you scared me "

"Were you thinking about him again?"

I looked down at my shoes " Yes"

"Clare why ?"

"Because Adam I miss him and I still don't get why all this happened"

"Ask him then"

"Oh yeah Adam because talking to him will work so well" I snapped as we walked to the English class and we took our normal seats. Eli was already there. So we shut up right away and took our seats.

"Alright class today we will be pairing up with our English partners" said who stood up front. I snorted and she raised her eyebrow at me."As I was saying you will be pairing up with them and show them the latest assignment I had you guys do last week"she said as she handed out our papers to us.

Everyone paired up except Eli and I when stopped infront of our desks to hand us our papers she just looked at us and shook her head and walked away.

Suprisingly Eli turned around and dropped his latest assignment on to my desk. I looked up at him and shook my head handing my assignment over to him. He then took it from me and turned around to read it.

I was halfway through reading his when mine was suddenly thrown back onto my desk.

"What the hell" I said clearly pissed off.

"Your assignment disgustes me" he snapped.

" Why ? What's wrong with it ?"I asked more hurt then anything.

"It's pointless and stupid, like why is this chick still inlove with this guy, When he has made it clear he want's nothing to do with her and he's happy without her" he said

I couldn't look at him. I couldn't say anything. Instead I grabbed my things and walked out of class. By the time I reached the bathroom I was in tears. He was such a bastard and he probably realized that the assignment/story was about him. But as I see it he didn't finish it all. Which I guess is a good thing.

"Clare" It was Fiona,Adam must of texted her and told her to come and see how I was or something.

"Go away" I cried

"Adam told me what happened in english,honestly Clare he's an asshole, He doesn't deserve your tears anymore Clare" she said standing outside of the stall.

" I know that it's just I don't know it's hard" I said wipeing away the last of my tears and walked out of the stall.

She hugged me" I know it is going to be for awhile but you have to distract yourself, speaking of which come out for a girls night with me and Holly J tonight" she said

" I don't know " I said

"Oh come on Clare it will be fun I promise' she said as we headed out of the bathroom and to the cafe were Adam, Holly J and Sav were probably waiting for us.

"Fine I guess I might as well " I said as we continued our long journey down the hall towards the cafeteria.

**Next Chapter will be up asoon as possible i promise :)**

**tell me whatcha thing should I continue**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yes I know the last chapter was short but it was my first one lol**

**anyways this next chapter is probably a lot longer **

**Eli's Point of View**

I watched her walk into the cafeteria with Fiona. I knew I made her cry. But I couldn't figure out why she cared what I said. I mean she never cared right ?

And that assignment she wrote for English I had the idea that it was about her and I. But why did she? She hates me even Sadie said Clare told her that. That's why I said it disgusted me but if I knew it was going to make her cry then I should of just kept my thoughts to myself. But could it be possible that Sadie was lying to me? No it couldn't she would never lie to me or would she ?

"Eli" called Sadie's voice taking me away from my thoughts.

I looked over at her, Sadie was different from Clare. Sadie was on the power squad,she had alot of friends and she was also one of the most bubbliest people you would ever meet. Where as Clare didn't really like power squad, she was quiet and shy and as for friends sure she had a good amount of them but she didn't have as much as Sadie did. Which now that I think of it didn't really bug me Sadie had long brown straight hair and her eyes were these hazel colour that could just make you melt when you looked into them. Not saying Clares eyes weren't perfect because they were. Her big blue eyes are one of the reasons that I fell in love with her...

"Eli" Sadie said again clearly annoyed that I hadn't replied

"Sorry" I mummbled focusing my attention back onto her.

"Do you want to come with Jenna, K.C and I tonight?" she asked as Jenna and K.C joined us. Only K.C sat down.

"To where exactly ?" I asked

"Out to eat and then a party afterwards" replied Jenna as Sadie stood up. They had power squad practice.

"Sure" I mummbled as Sadie leaned down and kissed my cheek then ran off with Jenna.

I didn't want to be left there with K.C because truth I still didn't really like him at all. I grabbed my lunch and looked over to where Clare and the others were sitting, Adam caught me looking so I quickly looked away. I dumped my lunch into the garbage and alked to my locker. I sat down infront of it and pulled out my latest comic book. I was reading for about ten minutes when someone sat down beside me. I knew who it was just by the wayt they sighed when they sat down.

"What do you want Adam?" I asked

"You to stop being so rude to Clare" he replied

I looked at him "What? "

"You need to stop being so mean she didn't do shit to you" he said

"Yes she did she lied to me " I said putting my comic down beside me

"What the hell are you talking about Clare has never lied to you ... ever" he said looking at me in disgust

"Oh yeah" I said raising my eye brow at him "Not what Sadie said" I snapped at him

"Sadie -" he laughed "Told you what exactly ?"he asked turning serious

"That Clare wanted nothing to do with Clare was trying to get back with K.C which he agreed to and most importantly she didn't love me anymore" I replied

"Are you serious and you believed them, OH GOD Eli please tell me you didn't" he said

I looked away from him

"Oh my god you did, why ?" he asked

"I don't know because they sounded believeable" I said

"Wow Eli just wow believeing them over Clare , real low Eli real freaking low" he said getting up " You know Eli your the one that lied to her" he said

"How so Adam ?" I asked

"You told her noone would ever take you away from her" he replied "And look what happened" he said turning around and headed back for the cafeteria "Oh and one ore thing check out Clare's tumblr and her post from last night" and with saying that he walked away before I could respond

x-x

**Clare's Point of View**

As I got ready for tonight I couldn't help but think of Eli. I don't know why I was thinking about him but I just couldn't stop. Everything I did reminded me of him. Fuck I really needed to stop.

While I was waiting for my straightner to heat up. I logged into Facebook and noticed that Eli had just updated his status.

_You were everything I always wanted, everything I dreamed of but then i fucked up and believed their lies over sorry for everything I did to you, I hope one day you will be able to forgive me._

I logged off. That status I knew it was about me, but I didn't care I was going to let him be in pain just like he had done to me. Which then I thought was really stupid to think because he had Sadie. So it didn't really matter but if it didn't matter why did he post that ?

When I was finished getting ready I l;ooked at myself in the mirror. Yeah I admit to myself I looked hot. Then she heard a honk and knew Holly J and Fiona were here to pick her up for her girls night.

"Damn Edwards you look hot" smiled Fiona as I climbed into the back seat of Holly J's van.

"Shut up" I smiled "So what's the plan for tonight " I asked

"Well were going to a party" replied Holly J.

"Then why did this have to be a girl's night couldn't Sav and Adam come?" I asked

The two looked at eachother just as someone covered my eyes.

"Boo !" said a voice from behind me

I jumped nd looked around seeing that Sav an Adam were laughing their heads off.

"Oh cause it's that funny" I growled

"It was you should of saw your face" Adam said as they both joined me in the back seat.

"Oh come on don't be such a butthead" said Sav

I laughed." I was not being a butthead" I said" Oh have you guy's saw Eli's latest Facebook status ?" I asked

"Nope" all four of them said at the same time

"Fiona can i see your phone for a second ?" I asked

"Sure can sweetie" she said reaching for her phone in her purse and handed it over to me. I logged into Facebook and gasped.

"What is it ?" asked Adam

"Eli just changed his relationship status to single" I replied. They all looked at me "What ?" I asked

"Please tell me of he begs for you back you wont do it ?" asked Adam.

"Don't worry I wont besides t wont last she'll get him back by the end of tonight" I said

"True so let's hear his status" said Holly J

I scrolled down and read it out loud " _You were everything I always wanted, everything I dreamed of but then i fucked up and believed their lies over sorry for everything I did to you, I hope one day you will be able to forgive me._" I said

"Wow after all this time he finally realizes that" said Holly J

"Well someone might have said something to him and got something of him" said Adam as we all looked at him

"Spill now" said Sav

"Well remember how I left you guys at lunch" he said, We all nodded "Well I went to see Eli at his locker" he said

"What did he say ?" asked Fiona

"He told me why he left you" he replied looking at me

"What did he tell you ?" I asked

"I can't tell you I promised I wouldn't" he Adam knew that was a lie but he didn't want to be the one to tell her this because he3 wanted Eli to be the one who did.

"Oh" was all I said as I looked back down at his profile and laughed

"Let me guess he's back in a relationship already ?" asked Sav

"You guessed it right " I replied logging out and handing Fiona her phone. I sighed and leaned back in my seat, I was quite for the rest of the ride to the party,

**don't foget to review :) and chapter three will be up soon**


	3. Chapter 3

**here's my next chapter, lol im really starting to love this alot haha :)**

**Eclare4life- haha i love your reviews trust me it's going to be different but he isn't going to be so low soon i promise, lol **

**DONT FRGET TO READ AND REVIEW **

**Oh and I do not own Degrassi even though i wish i kinda did and that thing that's fom Clare's Tumblr is actually a quote on someone's tumblr haha.**

**Oh and Sadies Instant Message thing name i just made up myself haha **

**Eli's Point Of View**

When I got home after school nobody was there. I knew none was goingto be home so I didn't even know why I really cared at this point. Once I got inside I threw my backpack on the couch and grabbed my laptop from on the coffee it was all ready I opened up the internet and went to timblr and logged into it. I then went to Clare's profile. The last time she had updated it was mdnight. I read what she had wrote and couldn't believe on my eyes on what I was reading

_Truths-_

_He broke up with you, right? After telling you he loved you and calling you pet names like baby and cutie? Yeah, I know he lavished you in compliments, only to put himself down so you would stroke his fakely low ego. Did he tell you that you were beautiful? I bet he promised you a personalized song. Or maybe he'd always mention how he was lying in bed and wished you were there. He dragged "I love you" out of you, didn't he? Yeah, don't deny it. He would talk to you last thing at night and first thing in the morning. He constantly mentioned losing sleep over you, every night, but we both know he slept like a rock. He made you love pictures that were just sort of "bleh" before. Did you delete those pictures after he broke your heart? Yeah, me too. All of your friends hate him now, don't they? Remember how happy they were for you? They warned you. Just remember, it's okay to cry. And referring to him as "asshole" is perfectly expected. Because, trust me, you'll end up talking about him just as often, if not more, than before the break up. There will be the one time's and the I remembers, and once you think you're over him, watch out. You better keep your eyes closed in the hallways, because I promise you, the next time you see him, he'll be all over some other girl. A little part of you will want to warn her, but nobody will blame you for hating her and for blaming her for your pain. Yeah, you'll compare all guys to him, because aside from the man-whorish, heart-breaker thing, he was perfect. He was everything you had ever wanted. Or maybe you made that up. Maybe, the second he started to show interest, you made up this perfect guy in your head, and he just happened to be just like him. Listen, you will find the perfect guy for you just like everybody says you will, and it will be soon. Okay, so I didn't believe it either, but I'm starting to. The most important thing though is don't let him know he hurt you. Don't let him know he could have you back in a heartbeat. Don't give him that satisfaction. Make him think you're completely happy. When he decides to wave at you like nothing ever happened, wave back, sure. But don't smile. Make him think he meant as little to you, as you obviously meant to him_.

Is this how she was feeling ? Was I really that bad to her when I left, did I really hur her that bad ? God I was horrible.

The first thing I did was go on Facebook and updated my status I didn't car at that point if anyone saw it but I was going to put down what I was feeling. I really hoped that Clare would see it. Ten minutes after I posted it I got an IM from Sadie

**sadieladie44-**what's up with your facebook status

great I was expecting this

**eli-gold49- **it's uh nothing don't worry about it

**sadieladie44-**are you sure eli ?

**eli-gold49-**im positive sadie sheeesh

**sadieladie44-** is it about clare ?

so what if it is who really gives a shit

**eli-gold49-** maybe

**sadieladie44-**why are you writing statuses about her im your girlfriend not her..

**eli-gold49-** someone sounds a bit jealous

**sadieladie44- **is that what you think ?

**eli-gold49-** uh yeah it is what i think

this girl was starting to really get on my nerves

**sadieladie44-** FINE then go be with her if your so sorry for everything and she was everything you dreamed of and bye eli.

**sadieladie44 has logged off.**

What the hell I just said my status was about her,it's no like I was going to go and get back with her or anything or was I ? No Eli No you love Sadie remember not Clare ? I had to make this right so I texted Sadie

_im so sorry babygirl, you are the nly one for me i never ment to hurt you please forgive me, i don't know what i would do without you. i love you._

Maybe I could love them both ? No not possible one of these days I was going to have to choose for good but what if I pick the wrong one... Oh Eli what have you gotten yourself into your suppose to only love one girl and that right now is Sadie, Just forget about Texted me back

_it's fine i forgive you, we will be there in about ten minutes, i love you too :)_

But what if I cant forget about Clare ?

**Clare's Point Of View**

When we arrived at the party I had been left and Holly J had went out back to find someone and Fiona and Adam had went to makeout somewhere most I went and sat down on one of the couches that wasn't occupied with people making out. I had been sitting there for at least twenty minutes when this boy came up and sat down beside me. I looked over at him and gasped out loud. He looked just like Eli well not really they had the same hair and everything but his eyes instead of being a jaded green his were a very deep blue and he was beautiful. He caught me looking at him and I looked away quickly. He moved over closer to me so close that I could get a really good smell of his colonge.

"Hi there" he smiled

I looked over at him and smiled back "Hi"

"My names Ethan and yours ?" he asked

"Uhh Clare" I replied

"What a cute name, so what's a cute girl like you doing here all alone ?" he asked

"I didn't come alone my friends just kinda ditched me when we got here " I replied

"I see well that wasn't very nice of them to leave you like that, you don't know the kind of people you could meet here" he ten winked at me. I could feeling myself turn red.

"So who are you here with or are you alone too ?" I asked looking at him

"My friends are like yours they ditched me as soon as we got here" he said just as the door opened and more people came in I looked up to see if I would know any of them. Which I did I knew those four perfextly well.

"Looks like we have something in common" I said as Eli glanced up and looked in my direction. I looked away from him and turned my attention back to Ethan. I could feel his eyes on should he really care anyways if i was talking to some guy it's not like we were dating anymore.

"So that guy over there the one that keeps looking over at us who is it ?" asked Ethan

"Ex Boyfriend" I replied

"welll hate to break it to you but the girls him and that other guy are with are heading straight over here with them tagging along ofcourse" he said

Great just what I needed. Do you hear the sarcasm in my voice.

"Oh my god Clare hi, how are you, who is this fine boy your talking to?" asked Sadie who sounded like an over excited little kid who was waiting for Santa

I put on my biggest fake smile and turned and looked at her "Oh hey Sadie im just great and yourself and this is Ethan" I said threw my teeth

"Im awsome as always thanks to MY Eli" she said putting emphasis on my what a joke I rolled my eyes.

"Awh why did he finally tell you that he loves you or something" I joked

"No he's just awsome like that but you wouldn't know that anymore now would you" she smiled. Alright I knew where this was going and I knew I wasn;t going to like it one bit.

"Im sorry are you trying to make me jealous or something here because clearly Sadie it's not working at all" I snapped at her

"Alright no need to be all bitchy i was just saying and oh just because my man's status was about you don't be getting any thought's alright because he ain't ever going to waste his time on you again" she said

I just laughed at her and walked away, I didn't need her shit I was better then that. I knew when to just drop shit and leave it alone. Instaead of fighting back because this was all honestly gettiong really fucking pathetic to me.

I got home around midnight but I wasn't tired so I decided to sign into my instant messanger which was a bad idea because two seconds later Eli's name was flashing on my screen.

**eli-gold49-** hii..

**clare-e23-** what do you want Eli ? if you have come to lecture me too i don't really need it at the moment

**eli-gold49- **no i just wanted to talk to you

**clare-e23- **your joking right i thought you hated me,yes that's right that's what you said in class that day wasn't it ?

**eli-gold49-** I never said i hated you Clare i just told you i disliked your story no i said it disgusted me

**clare-e23- **well if it disgusts you oh so much then why are you talking to me, pleae tell me honestly Eli i cant do this anymore alright, i can't keep pretending like everything is okay when it's not and i still don't get at all why you left me ?

**eli-gold49-**i left you because i was stupid

**clare-e23-** care to explain to me ?

**eli-gold49-** not over this thing

Clare sat there and thought to herself for a on what she should do till it finally came to her

**clare-e23- **come pick me up then

**eli-gold49-** excuse me ?

**clare-e23- **i said come pick me up, i want to know and i want to know now so come pick me up

**eli-gold49-** when the hell did you get so commanding ?

**clare-e23-** i learned from the best now just come pick me up

**eli-gold49-** alright sheeeesh don't have a baby, i'll be there in five minutes

**eli-gold49 has logged off.**

Clare sat there for a bit just looking at her screen. She couldn't believe it she was actually going to ind out tonight why the boy of her dreams had left her and she thought it was going to be hard getting it out of him.

When she heard Eli pull up outside of her house she went over to her window and opened it and climbed out. Yes she has done this a million times when she use to sneak out pat curfew to meet up with Eli so it kinda felt like old times which now that she thought of it it ws starting to really get to her. When she climbed out of her window she turned around to close it then made her way safetly to the ground or as safe as she could. When her feet hit the grass she ran to Eli's car and jumped in. Yeah it smelled just like him wait of course it does it is his car. We drove in silence by the way he was heading I knew exactly where he was going. It was our favourite place we had found it on our many adventures that we had taken. It was a little abandoned shack kind of thing. We alwas left food and what not there just in we got there We raced to see who would get there first of course Eli won like always.

"You know damnit one of these days Im going to finally beat you" I said as we walked into the shack I sat on the bed While Eli sat on one of the chairs

He raised his eye brow at me and then he did his famous one side of the mouth up grin that i loved so much about him " so there's going to be more days like this that we run here ?" he asked

"Depends" I replied

"On what?" he asked

"What your girlfriend thinks about it" I replied

"Why does she have to know" he said

"Mister Goldsworthy what a bad boy your being" I laughed

"Well as far as I can see you like bad boys don't you Miss Edwards" he said joining me on the bed

"Damn straight they know exactly how to spice up my life" I said

"They sure as well do " he smirked

"Ok before we get any farther what the fuck is going on Eli why did you leave me ?" I asked

"Because Sadie told me you didn't want anything to do with me anymore and that you didn't love me and also her and K.C told me that you were trying to hook up with him again" he replied

I was now down right pissed, Oh my god he believed them. Man was I going to be talking to those two on Monday I can't believe hey did this. Well okay yes nevermind I can. I mean I knew from day one Sadie was always jealous of me. I just didn't think she was that jealous that she had to take one of the most people in my life away from me.I looked at Eli he looked like he was about to burst out in tears whch I so did not want to see right now. I moved closer to him and rested my hand on his cheek and looked at him.

"Eli I never said or did any of those things you know that right ? you know i loved you hell I still fucking love you even though right now I really shouldn't, I made a promise to you Eli awhile ago that I wasn't going anywhere and I intended to keep that promise, I would never hurt you like that Eli never that's not me and you out of all people should know that or I at least thought you did" I said

"Clare im so sorry, im so fucking sorry for everything" he said as he started to tear up I couldn't help it I pulled him into a big hug holding him tightly.

"Eli what are we going to do ?" I asked

"I don't know "he said

"I guess were going to have to forget about eachother i mean you have Sadie and well yeah" I said

"But I don't want to forget you and I don't want Sadie anymore Clare I want you"he said

"I can't be with you right now Eli" I said

"Why not ?" he asked

"Because I made a promise that even if you begged for me back I wouldn't right now " I replied

"Let me guess to Adam and them right ?" he asked standing up

I looked away from him

"I figured as much whatever Clare you don't want me in your life then fine I will leave you alone forever" he said as he started to walk towards the door and slamed it on hi way out.

Who te hell was I kidding I loved him I really fucking loved him and if it's such a problem to people that I do then they can honestly go fuck themselves right I mean as long as im happy that's all that matters for right now and I want to be happy. And I will be as soon as I have Eli all to myself again. So with that I stood up and ran out after him." Eli Wait" I called running a little faster now

He stopped and turned around and I collided with him letting out a big grunt. "What now Clare", going to tell me how much you hate me?" he asked.

I did't answer him instead I did the first thing I was thinking and grabbed him by thr front of his hoodie and pulled him closer to me. I think he finally figured out what I was about to do because he stepped closer as I pressed our lips together.

**So in the matter of this chapter they went from hating to kissing haha, tell me what you thought and who know guess you will just have to wait and find out**

**READ AND REVIEW :)**


	4. read this please

**All right im really stumped on this I had a perfect idea for Chapter Four but thought it over and didn;t really like it. So im having major writers block can someone give me any suggestions or something that would be reatly and also im starting r walk on a new story as well so excpect one up sometimes soon **


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